My 2008 Delta Air Travel Stats

• Total number of Delta flights this year - 67
  
• Total Bags of Delta Peanuts consumed in 2008 – 46
• Total number of Delta Peanuts consumed in 2008 (assuming 10 peanuts per bag) 460
• Number of Times I considered purchasing something from the SkyMall Magazine but then forgot about it as soon as I exited the airplane – 176
• Number of times I reviewed the safety instruction card: 0
• Number of times I assured the flight attendant that I was not only willing but also ABLE to help in the event of an emergency in order to secure myself an emergency row seat. – 8
• Number of times I neglected to point out that would haul ass out of that hatch so fast they would be convinced they had sold that seat to the Flash – 8
• Number of times I held my pee until my face blotched purple to avoid using an airplane bathroom – 3
• Number of times I faked putting my seatbelt on: MEh – a couple –just to be spiteful.
• Number of times I carried on a BAG – NEVAH!! AYFKM???
• Number of times I feigned sleep / listening to music to avoid conversation with the old paunchy golf playing white guy beside me? – EVERY FREAKING TIME
  
• Number of times that same old paunchy golf playing roadwarrior slipped a silent but deadly into my airspace - EVERY FREAKING TIME
• Number of times the person behind me pulled my hair in order to use my seatback as a lever to pull themselves out of their seat - 20
• Number of times I thought very very seriously about the possiblity that I may not walk again or that I may die from deep vein thrombosis - 6
• Number of times I almost sneezed into the bald spot of the rude old paunchy golfplaying roadwarrior seated in front of me because he couldnt live without that additional 2 inches of space and he reclined his seat- 17